He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
