I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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