I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
