Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
