Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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