sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
