well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
