if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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