remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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