Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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