Im at strip club and am horny
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
