I'm really into asian looking animals
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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