i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
