Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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