he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
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I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
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I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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