my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
