i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
