I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
