Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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