I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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