those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just had sex bonerless
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Randomize
