just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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