now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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