I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
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I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
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Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I got inside last night via doggy door
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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