singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
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And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
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Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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