just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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