what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
