Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
