Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You have to summon your inner elephant
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
