youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
