But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
this is an emotional support booty call
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
