Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
