"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
