I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
