just tell him i said nine months
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Randomize
