do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
