i need an iv and a liver transplant
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
