Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
