things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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