this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
