I just made out with a guy for $7.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
