i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize