I hate all girls vehemently.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
