Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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