I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
