i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
