hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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