I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
