Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize