battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
