so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
