just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
