you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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