If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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