So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
