Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Are we still banned from the library?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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