i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
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