I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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