Life is so much better after having sex.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
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Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
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as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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