Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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