Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
