He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
