Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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