I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
