But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Your cock deserves a montage
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
