Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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