I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
