white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Randomize
