My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
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