you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
