I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
