I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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