I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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